i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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