im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Blood and glitter go together right?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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