Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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