I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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