i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
