Ambien. No doubt about it.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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