You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
