I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
