i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
They have beer where we have blood.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
