he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
