I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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