At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
