we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
