I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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