The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
two words: eviction party
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
