I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
