ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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