dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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