Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
