They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
