I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Randomize
