Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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