He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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