Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
