I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
