I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
