Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
