my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
