ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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