wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Randomize
