Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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