I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
