Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
