Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
