my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
