Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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