I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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