I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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