I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
