Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
