My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
