after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
