I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Randomize
