Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
3pm strippers are depressing
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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