Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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