I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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