can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
