I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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