he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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