plz talk dirty to me
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
