i don't like sucking hair
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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