If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have fence marks all over my body
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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