I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
